Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Self-delusions

Well I've searched and I've searched
To find the perfect life-
A brand new car and a brand new suit
I even got me a little wife-
But wherever I have gone
I was sure to find myself there-
You can run all your life
But not go anywhere

-- Social Distortion, Ball and Chain

We have been on vacation the past couple of weeks (although as we pointed out last year at this time, the concept of "vacation" is a bit of a misnomer to the absurd man), part of which included a visit with an uncle who is a devotee of "mindfulness," the Buddhist tradition that encourages adherents to live in each moment, neither regretting the past nor worrying about the future. Clearly this is a philosophy that has much in common with the absurd (with the rather notable difference that Buddhism assumes an interconnectedness of all things--a kind of universal consciousness, if you will), and we have discussed it in the past in this blog.

We were surprised, therefore, when our uncle, in the midst of a discussion of such matters, mentioned that his life at the moment was well-nigh perfect, and he wished he could freeze things as they were. (For context, he is in his mid-60s, lives quite comfortably in Northern California, and has three children in their 30s who have recently married, two of whom have small children.) We were taken aback, to say the least--isn't the whole point of living in each moment to avoid the impact of such externalities? We were further surprised when he attributed our own sense of contentment to our relatively secure job and family.

This, to us, is one of the more frustrating aspects of the absurd--individuals who come right to the brink of understanding...but can't follow through. It is mystifying to us how such people can understand so much, yet not see the contradiction they ultimately embrace. It truly is an all or nothing proposition - either everything matters...or nothing does. If one's family matters (the reason why we harp on family, by the way, is because it seems the one area where seemingly rational people come to a brick wall), then so does everyone else's family, and everything they do, and everything that caused them to exist in the first place, ad infinitum.

This is why we have devoted so much time and space on this blog to the chimera of "personal meaning," which many see as an out to what they view as the bleakness of the absurd. In short, the universe may be meaningless, but that doesn't mean I can't create my own little island of meaningfulness while I'm here. This sounds incredibly seductive and logical, particularly for those who view the absurd as bleak. (As an aside, perhaps we should not have been too surprised by our uncle's comments, since a few months ago he responded to a note we sent about the absurd by saying: "Existential angst!!--Yikes, can't get through a day feeling too much of that.")

But as we have noted, we view the absurd as anything but bleak. Rather, it is the most liberating feeling imaginable. Imagine...this "I" we have been carrying around since early childhood, which wants, and needs, and never seems sated...is nothing more than a fantastic illusion! We can be as content sitting on a park bench staring into space (as our old nemesis Jack Sparrow once mocked us) as living the high life of a billionaire.

But there is another reason for highlighting our uncle's comments here, and that is their "wolf in sheep's clothing" nature. For despite their seeming banality, such attitudes open the door to all sorts of unpleasant realities. To begin with, while our uncle professes to be happy because he lives in the moment, he is in fact happy only because his current circumstances conform to what he views as "good." Thus, he is vulnerable to the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" to which we are all subject.

Further, this attitude that his family is important by necessity means others must be viewed as less so. Consider what he would choose if given the option to end the life of one grandchild...or 1000 African children. Is such a scenario ridiculous? Of course. And we don't pretend that we wouldn't have similar misgivings were one of our family members involved. The difference is...we know the misgivings are all part of the illusion, while he thinks they are real. He honestly believes his family is "more" valuable than others, even while he preaches the virtues of mindfulness. Think about that...

10 comments:

  1. Why is it always "African" kids (whatever "African" is supposed to mean... being a continent of 53 unique nations). These clichés get boring. Why don't you pick on some hypothetical Swedish kids next time, eh? (I jest, friends). ;)

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  2. I suspect you're a much better Buddhist than your uncle.

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  3. Your uncle is right, and probably has accumulated a bit more wisdom and self awareness than you have, please take no offense. If you don't believe alot of your attitude (and it is an attitude) rests on context, I invite the gods of fear to take away your family and your jobs as investment bankers, your ability to enjoy vacations and fine food and beer, and see how meaningless all of these creature comforts become.
    The absurd is a comfortable carefree concept for those who have the luxury, but there is a middle way, as the Buddha tought. Like it or not, food has meaning. Mindfullness is not the same as compassion, although one usually brings about the other with the right intention, and you seem to be confusing the two. Trading your own child's life with strange child's life to prove a point, even as a mental exercise, violates simple biology. At that point the absurd takes on an entirely different definition than the one you promote. - GC

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  4. BTW, thanks for the opportunity to comment/criticize. It happens to be my specialty, and often erroneous. -GC

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  5. Greetings GC,

    You wrote: "Trading your own child's life with strange child's life to prove a point, even as a mental exercise, violates simple biology."

    Although this is true, must one only make a point if it aligns with biology? I'm not clear as to why Rick's rebellion against biological impulses discredits his point.

    -MM

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  6. Whether Rick's uncle is wiser than he or not, his expressed attitudes violate the basic Buddhist principle of equanimity in the face of constant change and he's therefore a hypocrite (though likely an unconscious one. Most Western lay "Buddhists" don't know much about the Buddha's actual teaching.)

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  7. Mindfullness is not the same as compassion, although one usually brings about the other with the right intention, and you seem to be confusing the two.

    GC, what do you think the relationship is between mindfulness and compassion? care to elaborate please?

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  8. GC-

    Thanks for the note. This is a criticism we have discussed in the past (see our "Thin Veneers" post from last February). Specifically to your point - we are not advocating "trading lives," but merely pointing out that to value one life over a thousand is not consistent with the notion that all is equivalent. Further, while our uncle believes himself to be content, he is in fact reliant on specific circumstances for his happiness, which is emphatically not the same thing.

    Now, were we to suffer some sort of Job-like downturn, we agree it would be difficult to keep our equanimity throughout. But we like to think we would try...

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  9. You say your uncle's happiness comes from his present comfortable conditions, but really no matter how good conditions are for most people they still tend to be unsatisfied. Couldn't it be possible that he has embraced his absurd life to that point that he'd be willing to freeze any moment because that is the extent to which he is living in the present? Also, as someone who is trying to embrace an absurd condition myself, I feel a little alarmed that you look so condescendingly on someone who's idea of happiness hasn't resulted from the same thought process that yours has. I mean who cares? Why be frustrated if someone doesn't think like you? Isn't it enough that they're happy?
    you say- 'while our uncle professes to be happy because he lives in the moment, he is in fact happy only because his current circumstances conform to what he views as "good." Thus, he is vulnerable to the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" to which we are all subject.'
    In this situation you are those people who wants the other to think like they do.
    When you say 'But as we have noted, we view the absurd as anything but bleak. Rather, it is the most liberating feeling imaginable. ' I'm a little creeped out by the resemblance of this to someone saying how great it is to accept Jesus.
    As for your point that we don't have to bend to our biological programming, sure, I completely agree. But that doesn't change the fact that it exists and that we have evolved to find certain things more pleasurable than others. Trying to completely fight this seems unnecessary to me.
    If a robot was programmed to feel happy when it hears a beep, but then later realizes that he has been programmed to have this reaction this whole time, should it deny itself beeps because there is no inherent value in the beep and he can’t stand that his happiness is due to something arbitrary? I mean people do drugs, I can accept that happiness is partly a chemical reaction from doing certain things I evolved to do.
    Sorry for the rant, love the blog! just found it today..
    -v

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  10. Pri-

    Thanks for the note. We certainly are not passing judgment on our uncle's choices (nor anyone else's), but rather pointing out a glaring inconsistency in his approach. As we have discussed in the past, we agree that it is futile to fight our animal nature (eg, enjoying food and drink, sex, etc), but we also recognize such drives for the biologically-driven instincts they are, as opposed to something significant and "meaningful."

    This is what bothered us about our uncle's comment - he is emphatically not saying that any moment would be good, but rather that this particular set of circumstances is inherently better than others. We see this as a dangerous, and ultimately doomed, game to play. As Pico Iyer once put it, "Looking to our circumstances for strength, solace or support is like dancing at the edge of a very deep grave."

    Welcome to the blog!

    Rick

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